


Gardening is always the answer

by twin_fics



Series: Gardening is always the answer [1]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Confused Dwarves, Hobbits Being Awesome, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-10
Updated: 2014-09-10
Packaged: 2018-02-16 22:31:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2286800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twin_fics/pseuds/twin_fics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dwarves knew that Hobbits were very good at growing things in their gardens, but they never in a million years would have expected something like this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gardening is always the answer

**Author's Note:**

> Un-betaed, so all the mistakes are mine ;-)

Hobbits were renowned in all middle-earth for their extraordinary gift growing things. Their gardens were a marvel to behold, full of colorful flowers, their sweet fragrance a soft caress that revitalized the spirit of the weary traveler. Their orchards bountiful of fruit so ripe, it burst with juice when you bit into in. Their vegetables so delicious that even the most recalcitrant meat-lover wouldn’t want to share.

And even though the dwarves of the Company knew all that, they never in a million years would have expected something like this.

 ~~

As soon as Thorin walked into the mountain, the urgency to get his hands on the Arkenstone became overwhelming. Everything else paled in comparison. The more than probable existence of a dragon nesting among the gold and gems in the treasure chamber didn’t bother him. The uncertain fate of his heir, Kili, after being poisoned by an orcish arrow didn’t concern him. Nothing mattered over the all-consuming _need_ to have the Heart of the Mountain in his power.  

And thus he didn’t even think twice about threatening Bilbo, his One, who had proven his value and his loyalty to the Company countless times during their quest, the moment the hobbit tried to leave the treasure chamber.

Not even in his more crazy dreams Thorin thought that a day would come when he would have reasons to be grateful to Smaug but if the dragon hadn’t had appeared in that moment the dwarf king feared of what could have happened.

The gold sickness abated for a while when they were fighting against the fire beast but as soon as Smaug left the mountain, the mindless greed for his grandfather’s heirloom came back with a vengeance.

And then, just a few hours after de dragon’s death, the gold sickness suddenly disappeared from his mind. Not a second ago he raged with the need to hold the Heart of the Mountain and suddenly… nothing.

Thorin didn’t have time to wonder what that could mean since news of an army of men and elves arriving at Erebor’s doors demanded his immediate attention. With his mind once again his own, the dwarf king easily accepted that the men of Laketown rightfully deserved a part of Erebor’s treasure as it was the Company’s fault that their town was attacked by the dragon. Elves, for all he cared, could go to hell with their greedy demands.

And then, as if they hadn’t had enough war and death to last a life time, an army of bloodthirsty orcs and goblins commanded by Azog the Defiler fell upon them.

It was a ferocious battle that would be later known as the Battle of the Five Armies, but miraculously all of them survived it with minor injuries.

It was only a few days after the end of the battle that questions about the Arkenstone’s whereabouts raised again, with Dain and his advisors urging Thorin, who had been recently crowned King under the Mountain with Bilbo as his chosen consort, to found it.

The dwarf king didn’t trust anyone but the dwarves of the Company for this task. Only Bilbo was excused from it as Thorin knew that although their hobbit was a very resourceful and intelligent creature, he wouldn’t be able to distinguish a diamond from a white sapphire if his life depended on it.

And thus the search for the Arkenstone began.

~~

“How is the search going?” Bilbo asked his husband in one of those rare times in which he decided to visit the treasure chamber instead of roaming the less damaged parts of the mountain.

“We’ve been combing the damn treasure for days without success,” Thorin cursed, kicking an old shield out of his way.

“Uhu,” Bilbo patted the warrior’s arm trying to mollify the infuriated dwarf. He observed the comings and goings of the Company’s dwarves with curiosity. “Maybe I can help you. How does the Arkenstone look?”

“It’s a globe with a thousand facets; it shines like silver in the firelight, like water in the sun, like snow under the stars, like rain upon the Moon,” Gloin suddenly interrupted them, the dwarf’s eyes looking dreamily in the distance. “It’s unique. All the other gems pale in comparison.”

“Careful, Gloin,” joked Dawlin, carelessly discarding a ruby bigger than his fist over his shoulder. “If you keep waxing so much poetry about that stone your wife might start thinking that you prefer it over her.”

“Blasphemy!” cried Gloin, throwing a goblet heavily decorated with emeralds at the axe master’s head.

“I’ll show you blasphemy!” roared Dwalin, tackling the red-haired dwarf into a mountain of gold coins.  

“So,” Bilbo ignored the brawling dwarves, too used to their antics to pay them any attention. “It’s a stone that glows, isn’t it?”

“Yep, that’s basically it,” Fili suddenly appeared behind them looking quite ridiculous with a diamond tiara on his head.

“But don’t let Dain hear you describe it so plainly or you risk being at the receiving end of a long lecture about the qualities of every gemstone known by dwarvenkind,” Kili warned the Company’s burglar with a mischievous smile, both of his arms decorated with dozens of silver bracelets that tinkled musically when he moved.

“Such a grim fate,” Bilbo joked, faking a shiver. “Is it perhaps the size of my fist, with small lights dancing inside it like tiny fireflies?” he wondered, tilting his curly head inquiringly.

“Yes, it’s exactly like that,” Balin frowned, putting away the small chest he was searching.

“Well, why didn’t you tell me sooner?” the hobbit scolded them, his little hands resting on his plump hips. “We could have been focusing on much more important thinks like rebuilding the kitchens so I can prepare my tea on a proper stove again.”

The hobbit’s word attracted the attention of the rest of the Company who immediately stopped their search.  

“You know where it is?”

“Of course,” answered their hobbit, dropping on the floor the little backpack he always carried and kneeling beside it.

“I found it the first time I went into the treasure chamber to check if Smaug was still alive,” Bilbo continued, so intent in rummaging in his little sack that he missed the thunderstruck expression of the dwarves. “And even if it reeked so badly that it was clear that it had started rotting, I thought that it could be useful to light up the dark passages if we run out of torches.”

“Y-you have it?”

“It reeked?”

“It has been with you all of this time?”

“You wanted to use the Arkenstone like a simple torch?”

“Rotting?!”

The clamor of the Company suddenly stopped when the hobbit finally took out of his pack what he had been searching for.

“Here,” their burglar said, putting four stones in front of him. None of them looked exactly the same, but without a shadow of a doubt they were the same type of gem as the Arkenstone.

“That one is my favourite for its pink hue, and that one is the perfect size to read comfortably in bed,” their burglar continued, pointing at each stone as he spoke. “But you can have any of them if you like. I have many more, after all,” he said, finally looking at his dwarves with a brilliant smile.

The deafening silence that followed his words was only broken by the sound of thirteen jaws falling on the treasure floor.

Looking at the incredulous expressions of the Company, Bilbo’s bright smile slowly turned into a slightly confused one.

“It’s something the matter?”

That seemed to startle the dwarves out of their shock.

“Wh-Wh-WHAT?”

“How could this be possible?”

“Where did you find them?”

“You said you have more?!”

“ _[Can I have the pink one?]_ _”_ _**_

“Rotting?!”

“ENOUGH!!” Thorin’s roar effectively silenced the rest of the dwarves.

“Bilbo, ghivashel, could you please explain where all these stones have come from?” the dwarf king begged his perplexed consort.

“Well, after Smaug’s death I decided that the stench of the stone was too awful to bear it. As we still had enough torches to last us for a few days, I returned to the secret door and searched for a patch of good soil.”

“A patch of good soil?” Balin couldn’t help but ask. “But why?”

“To plant the stone, of course!” Bilbo frowned, as if he couldn’t understand how dense his dwarves were being. “I took the part that was still good and threw the rest.”

“You defaced the Arkenstone?!” Dwalin gapped at their hobbit like a fish out of water.

“It was rotting! Why, in Yavanna’s name, would I want to keep it?” Bilbo shrugged as if it was obvious, “After all I only needed a small seed to grow new ones.”

Once again, the silence in the treasure room was so dense that it could have been cut with an axe.

“You-,” Thorin's high pitched cry startled them. The dwarf king stopped, cleared his throat and tried again. “You are saying that hobbits are able to grow things? Other than plants, I mean,” the dwarf cautiously clarified. It was such an impossible notion that he felt a bit stupid for asking.

“Why of course! How else would we be able to get the things we need to live comfortably in our hobbit holes if not growing them?” Bilbo inquired with curiosity. “I would have you know that the china my mother used to grow in our garden was the envy of the Shire.”

Thorin felt damn proud of himself for not fainting like the rest of the dwarves of the Company. After all kings were made of sterner stuff.

 

**Author's Note:**

> ** Bifur is talking in Khuzdul. As I’m not a Khuzdul speaker it would have to suffice, but if anyone feels like translating it, please be my guest! ^__~


End file.
